We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize