I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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