Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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