I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize