You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
