good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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