What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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