We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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