my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Sober January is a disaster.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
