They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I believe in your delicious
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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