The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
