its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
smell my finger.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
