i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
