dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
