explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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