U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize