Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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