she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
