Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
