maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
