It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
