He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize