remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
