I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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