so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
