Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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