Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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