would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
We named our party play list daddy issues
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
