So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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