My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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