i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
