I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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