that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
