Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
