it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
