my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
