I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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