New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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