John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
she smelled like a LAN party
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
