Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
