I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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