i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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