Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
