It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
