i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize