We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
