Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
