During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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