Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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