We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
