he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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