ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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