The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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