You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
