A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
