the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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