I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
