I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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