he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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