So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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