I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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