Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
People with herpes should wear stickers.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
