we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
