Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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