dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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