There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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