I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
