Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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