Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
