I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
