I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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