I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
