She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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