Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
