i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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