She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
