The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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