How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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