i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
