help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
