I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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