I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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