first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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