last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
