I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
