Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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