break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I am one with the molecules
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
