All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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