Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
And then he peed in my hair
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