just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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