I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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