"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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