You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
