Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
