Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
