Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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