Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
