If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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