I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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