3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Send help, water and tortillas.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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