I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
