I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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