i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Alive.
So much puke
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize