Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
