I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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