i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
